Tuesday, August 21, 2012

I AM a Good Mom

I think my boys are awesome.  Of course I do.  I'm their mom.  And one of the things keeping me up lately has been worrying about how they will stack up against the other kids at day care.  I think they're brilliant.  I think they're lovable. I think they're sweet and sensitive to others.  But what will their teachers think?  It's not that I want them to be the head of the class or the teacher's pet, but I want that validation that I DID MY JOB.  That during the three years that I've been a stay-at-home mom, I haven't let my boys down.

In my job as a teacher, I am observed and evaluated.  There are test scores and growth that can be measured.  I can read teacher evaluations from my supervisors and from my students.  I can look in my file and see my accomplishments, accolades, and failures.  As a mom, I have to do that on my own.  There is no boss to make the tough decisions.  There is no core curriculum to stick to.  There are a million decisions each day and SO MUCH second guessing and guilt.

JD and O have started day care part-time this month- just 2 short days a week- to ease us all in.  By the second week, my heart was at ease when I saw that their teachers enjoyed them.  Both sets of teachers have commented that they can't wait until my boys are there full time.  They tell me that JD & O listen and say "please" and "thank you".  That I have good boys.  O's teachers genuinely look sad when I come to pick my smiley baby up.  They like my boys.  It's such a huge relief.  (Although there is a tiny voice saying, "give them time...")

They may be teaching them new things, but I laid the foundation.  As much as I've made mistakes and doubted my decisions, I didn't royally screw up.  And knowing that is totally worth the cost of daycare. Maybe.


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