I think my boys are awesome. Of course I do. I'm their mom. And one of the things keeping me up lately has been worrying about how they will stack up against the other kids at day care. I think they're brilliant. I think they're lovable. I think they're sweet and sensitive to others. But what will their teachers think? It's not that I want them to be the head of the class or the teacher's pet, but I want that validation that I DID MY JOB. That during the three years that I've been a stay-at-home mom, I haven't let my boys down.
In my job as a teacher, I am observed and evaluated. There are test scores and growth that can be measured. I can read teacher evaluations from my supervisors and from my students. I can look in my file and see my accomplishments, accolades, and failures. As a mom, I have to do that on my own. There is no boss to make the tough decisions. There is no core curriculum to stick to. There are a million decisions each day and SO MUCH second guessing and guilt.
JD and O have started day care part-time this month- just 2 short days a week- to ease us all in. By the second week, my heart was at ease when I saw that their teachers enjoyed them. Both sets of teachers have commented that they can't wait until my boys are there full time. They tell me that JD & O listen and say "please" and "thank you". That I have good boys. O's teachers genuinely look sad when I come to pick my smiley baby up. They like my boys. It's such a huge relief. (Although there is a tiny voice saying, "give them time...")
They may be teaching them new things, but I laid the foundation. As much as I've made mistakes and doubted my decisions, I didn't royally screw up. And knowing that is totally worth the cost of daycare. Maybe.