Self-Evaluation & New Plan

I've been writing and rewriting this post in my head for the past week, and I finally think I've got it figured out. From the time I decided to stay home with JD, I've looked at it as my "job", and there are times when I remind Hubby that I "work" all day too. So why after almost 2 years do I so often feel like I'm struggling? Why do I have a hard time taking pride in what I've done at the end of the day?


When I was teaching, I would have to submit a self-evaluation each spring. I learned that what worked for me as a teacher was being over prepared and organized. I got up extra early every morning to make sure I had a little time to eat breakfast and read the newspaper. I was one of the first people in the building and would enjoy the quiet time to set up my classroom and prepare my lessons. When my students walked in I was calm, cheery, and ready to accomplish set goals. In my evaluations, I would often relate how I approached teaching to my past as a dancer. I felt most comfortable when everything was "choreographed" and "rehearsed", and feeling prepared gave me the freedom to "improvise" and get creative while still staying on task.

I've realized that what I'm doing now is the complete opposite. It is the equivalent of arriving to work empty handed just as the bell rings.  In essence I am rolling out of bed and going straight to "work".  It is not working for me.


I wake up exhausted when O wakes up, entertain him in our bed until JD wakes up, then stress about my messy kitchen while feeding JD and myself (and O started cereal this morning). While we do have a few regular activities that shape our week, there is rarely a "plan". Throughout the day, I constantly feel overwhelmed by the things that I'm not doing. My house is a mess...I haven't had time to shower...JD hasn't been read to...There is nothing in the house for dinner...I haven't put a single picture in a book since O was born... 


I fill spare moments checking twitter or throwing in a load of laundry, but it never feels like enough.  I stay up way too late with P90X, catching up with emails & blog stuff, cleaning, and watching TV, so I'm constantly tired. I finally make myself go to bed, but lie awake thinking about what I haven't done.   


I have all these fun ideas and the desire to be a great housewife and stay-at-home-mom, but I just can't seem to catch up enough to make it happen. I feel like I am going through my life right now half-a$$ing it and just surviving. In other words, things need to change.(Please don't get me wrong- I know I am doing a great job with my boys- they are happy & healthy, and we are incredibly blessed. I just want to feel the same satisfaction and pride in this role as I did in my old one. I don't mean to sound like a whiner.)

I wish there was an area of my home that is as organized & neat as my desk was.

In looking at an old teaching evaluation, I'm realizing that I can relate much of it to what I'm doing here, and I can easily see the areas that I want to improve.  I know I would not be happy with my answers to a lot of the questions, so I have decided that starting tomorrow, I'm going to approach staying home with my boys in the same way I did my teaching career.


My new plan:

• Go to bed as close to 9pm as possible, not matter what is on TV or how neglected my blog/reader/twitter are.
• Wake up at 5am (8 hours of sleep seems like heaven right now!) so that I have quiet time for myself in the morning to eat, straighten up, and get ready for "work".
• Set a goal for each day and plan activities around that goal.
• Give JD activities that he can safely do independently so I can spend more one-on-one time with O.
• Spend the boys' nap time doing things for me- whether it's reading, writing, a shower or watching something from the DVR.  
• On days that Hubby is home while they are awake, let him take the lead with the boys a little more so that I can accomplish more around the house.

I understand that my house will not be perfectly clean, meals won't be perfectly planned, and every day is not going to go perfectly according to plan.  This isn't about achieving perfection.  It's about satisfaction and feeling like I'm doing something to improve myself and help us enjoy my time at home even more.

I'll keep you posted on how it's working out.

Stay Home, Stay Happy!

I just finished reading Stay Home, Stay Happy: 10 Secrets to Loving At-Home Motherhood by Rachel Campos-Duffy.  Most books I have seen about "surviving" staying at home have been over-the-top and not at all practical for my family, but this one really delivers, and I can see myself reading this book again and again over the years!    This book is full of great ideas (my husband and I can't wait to try the "knock on the door" approach to discipline), inspirational passages, and great tools (I'm a huge fan of her lists)!  It is not at all about "surviving", but about enjoying staying at home!


A theme that repeats throughout the book is that you have to take care of you before you can be happy taking care of anyone else.  I know that is something that makes you want to say, "Oh that sounds great on paper, but it's not practical, and I don't have time for at-home spa treatments and long baths," but Campos-Duffy truly shows how to make it happen.  She wipes away common guilt ("it's okay that I didn't take advantage of every single teachable moment today") and shares examples from her own life that demonstrate that I am not alone in my stresses and concerns.


Most importantly, it's an easy read.  I read a chapter each night before I fell asleep and never felt that I would rather be sleeping.  It left me motivated and inspired to start the next day!  In repeating and reviewing what I learned from this book, I 100% believe that the way I view my time at home will change and my family will be happier.


Now that I have finished the book, I'm taking her "20 Mom Must-Haves" and creating my Christmas list.  Yes, some of the things are expensive indulgences, but we're worth it!  After that, I vow to catch up on my scrapbooking (I'm only 2 years behind), so that I can honor my legacy as a stay at home mom.
I highly recommend this book to any mom (it's principles can be shared with working moms too)! Enjoy!
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So excited about MeetUp.com

Okay- I know I haven't blogged in a while, but we have been super busy at play dates and meetups.  I have to gush a little about how MeetUp.com is changing my life.  I know that sounds extreme, but I have connected with some great moms in my area, and now James is hanging out with some adorable little friends.  (Granted- he sleeps through a majority of things.)
I had caught myself getting a little down about being at home when all of my work friends' lives were going on without me.  Because we have recently moved, I didn't have a network of friends in my area, and certainly didn't know any other stay-at-home moms.  Through MeetUp.com, I am now a member of two SAHM groups that organize events and connect people for play dates.  I just search by keyword and zip code, and dozens of groups pop up.
Because James is only 3 months old, he doesn't get as much out of the groups as he will when he gets a little older, but it has been great for me.  I've learned a lot more about what is out there for moms in my community, I've had opportunities to talk with moms about issues and concerns, and I have made new friends that share things in common with me and my family.
And it's not just for SAHMs (there is even a group in my area for SAHDads)- you can find meetup groups for any interest: scrapbooking, cooking, dancing, politics, book clubs and more!  Check it out!
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